If nothing else, a guy thinks he can trust an Amish girl who cans beets.  Well, no more.  What else is trustworthy?  The sweetness of baby ducklings . . . right?  No, sir. Tripp and Reece didn’t trust the ducks from the moment they saw them.  I shouldn’t have, either, but I was duped by the sheer cuteness.  Could I have been more foolish?  I doubt it.

Like me, you probably think that baby ducklings are sweet bundles of yellow-love-sent-from-heaven.  Annie–get your gun.  It’s just not so.  “What could be so terrible,” you ask, “that you would lash out against these ducklings, Mr. Bill?”

Oh, it’s bad.  REAL bad.  In fact, I suspect that you have been a victim of these ducklings.  They may look all innocent and sweet, but they are–I hate to admit–masterminds of the most annoying kind.

Indulge me for a moment, as you think about the great irritations in your world.  What is the most insignificant, yet annoying, constant in your life?  Is it slow-drivers in the fast lane?  Only remembering half of the lyrics of a song stuck in your head?  Paris Hilton? People who write obscure Facebook updates [e.g., "Bill is completely irriated and tickled by them," or "why don't you just get a medical opinion and then say 'yes', scratch your toe, and forget about all of the haters who spread gossip?!"]?  I dare say that one thing grates on you more than all these . . . .  Let me give you a hint:

No–it’s not the famous, dearly loved “Stuff-Posing-As-Meat,” which is wonderful with scrambled eggs [God bless you, Hormel]:

These ducks are the world-renowned perpetrators of this century’s greatest irritation . . . they are the originators of email SPAM.  CURSE THOSE DUCKLINGS!!!!!

I know what you must be thinking–email SPAM is a world-wide problem; surely the origin is not here in beautiful Central Arkansas.  I’m sorry, but it’s true.  Do you really need proof?  Okay, then.  Look more closely at the photos that I posted on the previous blog.  I’ve cropped in closer to reveal the awful truth:

ducks who enhance

Need I say more?  If you are on my email address book, you received a SPAM email from me last week, offering you enhancement pills.  This is especially odd since 98% of my clients are women, and 80% of my email address book is female.  No, it was not Mr. Bill sending that message.  Lousy ducklings!

As if that’s not enough proof to convince a jury:

ducks that deceive

HOW DID I NOT SEE THIS WHEN I WAS SHOOTING?!!  Sweet Reece didn’t trust the ducks . . . as they tried to sell him a cheap Rolex.  Fortunately, Reece didn’t buy the watch, nor click on the link to learn more information.  That’s one smart kid.

I’m sorry . . . I feel somehow responsible for the irritating actions of these ducklings.  I promise that next year’s batch of ducks, or bunnies, or poisonous spiders, or whatever animal we use, will not be so problematic.  Thanks for enduring these trying times with me.  You’re great.

Love,

-mr. bill

P.S.  total sidenote:  I actually, really love SPAM emails.  No kidding.  I used to find them totally irritating, until I started to pay attention.  Naturally, I never click the link, but I always imagine that a real, honest-to-goodness person is talking when I read the headline.  Try reading the headline like an acquaintance is talking to you, and it’s really funny.

As if that wasn’t traumatic enough–I then learn the ugly secret behind two of my VERY OWN Easter ducks!  They were like children to me!!!!  “Et tu, Brute?”

Here are two of the ugliest stories on the internet.  Please do not let your children read this blog . . . childhood is fleeting enough, and this is the kind of stuff that painfully disillusions children.  And adults.  I need, though,  to write this.  I need release.  I need catharsis.

I went to visit my Grandparents last year in Missouri.  About 40 miles from their home is a really cool Amish town.  I enjoy visiting, buying amazing, awe-inspiring Amish edibles.  Spices, cookies, dry goods, vegetables, pies, cakes . . . you name it, you can get it.  I strolled into the grocery store, illuminated by skylights and kerosene lanterns.  Among other things, I surveyed the Mason Jars of canned beets.  Reading the hand-scrawled label, you wondered:  “Are those beets floating in crimson syrup, or is that pride and love?” [Nonetheless--it's a can of beets!  Am I buying that crap?  No way.  In 1995 I actually ate sliced beets and a fried egg atop a cheeseburger in Australia, but that's another story.]  I purchased a pleasant sampling of delectables, and sauntered back to my car.  After loading the boxes of goods, I roamed next door to the bakery.

Disillusionment, thy name is “Mr. Bill.”

While the building was still open, the selling of baked goods was finished for the day.  I looked to the back of the silent store, where a young Amish girl repeated the ancient traditions of her culture.  Without even acknowledging my obvious presence, the lass intently canned her beets.  Then my bewildered, angry eyes honed in on her task:

She wasn’t canning beets . . . she was RE-CANNING beets!!! She stood there [with a seared conscience, I surmise] dipping canned beets from a recently-opened, industrial-sized beet can.  She then unceremoniously ladled the beets into Mason Jars with hand-scrawled labels.

Is that the famed Amish-quality of which I’d always heard?  Really?  If you can’t trust an Amish teen and her beets, who can you trust?  You think “re-gifting” is tacky?  Whatever.  “Re-canning” falls outside the realm of anything decent or holy.  Now I know the obvious response you’re thinking:

“Your faith can be restored,” you interject, “by the innocent sweetness of baby ducklings–Nature’s most perfect creature, completely without guile.”

I once believed the same, but no more.

If my Dad said it once, he said it one thousand times:  “Son–always trust a child’s intuition when he first meets a baby fowl during a photo session in Pine Bluff.” He’d said it so many times, it was white noise to my young ears.  “Crazy ramblings of an over-protective father,” I reasoned.  Maybe not.

don't trust the duck

I noticed Tripp’s reaction to the ducks when he first saw them, but I just didn’t pay attention.  After all, these ducks had lived in my home [garage, actually]!  I felt like they could be trusted.  Silly me.

Then Tripp’s brother, Reece, met the ducks.

eye the duck

Do you see how he also suspiciously observes the ducks?  Kids innately know the heart of a duck.  My Dad likewise knew, and he tried to warn me.

After the session, I decided to look into the “permanent record” of the ducks.  You remember the “permanent record,” right?  That record is the stuff of legend [urban legend]!  Let me help you recall:  If you were really bad in Jr. High and High School, you heard ALOT about it.  I looked into the past of these ducks, and it was a look into a nefarious world of ugliness and youth-gone-wrong.  Why did the boys not trust these foul fowl?  Tune in to the blog on Wednesday and you’ll know.

Thanks for tuning in,

-mr. bill

If you didn’t notice, let me point out that I employed the words “lass,” a quote from Julius, “strolled,” “sauntered,” “roamed,” a Milli Vanilli allusion, “nefarious,” and “likewise.”  I’m just sayin’.

Since it’s time for Spring, it’s also time for Beyond Photography’s Easter Portraits.

If you missed the previous Easter blog, we’ll be shooting in 2 locations:

In Little Rock [Chenal Downs]–March 12-14th

In Pine Bluff [at the Country Club]–April 2-3rd.

We’ve just received our Easter background, and just received our annual EASTER DUCKS!  But wait, there’s more! We’re bringing back BUNNIES as well!  You’ve patiently waited [thank you], and I finally have a sample of this year’s scene.  I think you’ll see why we’re scheduling a ton of sibling sessions on this background . . . even without the animals.  If you’ve missed the details about our Easter sessions, click here to open up another blog that explains the process and also lists package pricing.

Thanks to an enthusiastic following on the blog, we’ve already scheduled a few dozen appointments.  We still have several times available, although we’re quickly booking up the most popular slots [a.m. times for Saturday and Sunday].  If you haven’t yet, now is the time to schedule your session!  Call or email immediately.  501.766.5671  –  beyondphotography1@gmail.com

Sheree and I look forward to seeing you soon.

[I had to include this last photo of the world's most ridiculous child.  I picked up the camera for the FIRST SHOT, and before I said anything, this is the pose I got.  We've created a monster.]

Why–when the weather turns inclement–should I desperately need bread and milk?  People rush in droves to the grocery store, those sacred halls of panic, to ravage the dairy and bread sections.  I have a wife and three small children, and I really want to provide for their needs.  Is there some special cold-weather-vitamin-nourishment-elixer of milk and bread that I know not of?  If anything, why don’t we storm the bastion of chili and hot toddies?  Or the new sushi bar at our local Kroger?  [Note to the reader: I do not serve hot toddies to my children, but they do love some chili and sushi, respectively.]

My eldest son [8 years old] just sat down with me.  I just explained what a blog is, and he wants to write.  So I’m typing as he talks.

Dad:  “Big C–what would you like to tell everyone about the ice we just had?”

Big C:  “It was fun to play in the snow.  It was very cold.  Well, I didn’t really play out in the snow.  You just wrote that down?!  [laughs]  What are you doing?!  Okay, I’m going.”

Now that we’ve survived the great Ice Age of 2010 [1 day out of school], it’s time to think of Spring.  If you haven’t seen the main site for Beyond Photography lately, the calendar is plotted out until mid-October.  You’ll notice that we’ve planned several Spring events, including a trip to Ponca, Arkansas, to San Antonio, a Black and White event, a local outdoor special . . . and of course . . . EASTER PORTRAITS!  Why should you schedule your kids for Easter Portraits?

*Most Moms buy something special for their kids to wear.  What better time to create a portrait?

*Portraits make fantastic gifts for Mother’s Day [Mom:  it's okay to buy this gift for yourself].

*THE DUCKS RETURN and bunnies too!

Yes, the rumors are true.  Beyond Photography is the studio that features the now-famous baby ducks for our portraits, and they are returning for this year’s event.  If you’d like to see more than those here, click on the “Easter Portraits” or “Easter Portraits 2008″ archive to the right.

Let me see if I can answer some of the most common questions we hear:

~What if my kids have outgrown the animals?  Can we shoot without the ducks?

I actually begin every session without the animals.  If you don’t want them at all, we’ll let the the fowl & fur take a break.  We’ll create a few dozen wall portraits from our Easter sessions, and most of those will not feature the ducks.  As always, we’re shooting for a wide variety. I’m glad to create photos of all the kids together, individually, etc.  It won’t cost extra.

~What will the background look like?

AMAZING!!!  It’s hand-made, and it’s so brand-spanking-new, the makers haven’t finished it yet.  It’s a creme/multi-colored, textured background.  Sheree and I saw a sample in January, at the conference in Nashville.  We both immediately knew that it would have to be our Easter background!  Truth be told:  Sheree knew immediately, then I immediately knew after she informed me that it would be. We’ll also have a really funky/elegant, stool/ottoman/thingie. I’ll have photos posted within 24 hours of it arriving to our home.

~When and where will you be shooting?

More exciting news here!  We’ll be shooting again in Little Rock, back in Chenal Downs.  We’ll also be shooting–for the first time–at the Country Club in Pine Bluff.  We’ll see you in Little Rock March 11-14.  We can also meet you in Pine Bluff on Easter weekend:  April 2 & 3rd. We’ll email a confirmation, with directions, to all of our sessions.

~Is this a Quick Pic event or full-sessions?

Yes.  For those whom we’ve not yet met, our Quick Pic events are seasonal/thematic events with discounted packages.  I’ll shoot fewer images, as a Quick Pic session only lasts about 15 minutes.  You’ll preview and purchase your photos immediately after your session.   The packages are slightly discounted, but the poses are limited.  See the bottom of this post for our Quick Pic packages.  Most people, though, will schedule full-sessions.  This allows for a much greater variety, since each session lasts about 45 minutes.  Full sessions will return the following week for an ordering session, when we’ll be able to slowly walk through the images to decide.  There is no pose limitation, since everything is sold ala-carte from our standard pricelist.  [You can preview our pricelist by clicking here.]   With either session, we’ll ask for a retainer to hold your appointment:  $175 for Quick Pics, $350 for a full session.  25 of those dollars will cover our event fee, while the remaining amount will apply to the purchase of your portraits.

~How do I schedule an appointment?

Call our studio line–501.766.5671, or email–beyondphotography1@gmail.com.  We’ll gladly take appointments as long as they’re available.  Understand, though, that our ads have just hit the stands and we’ll soon be fielding dozens of calls . . . and premium times will book within the next week.

~Will there be more of the famous [infamous?] duck blogs?

Of course!  If you haven’t seen any from the past, you’ll find them on the aforementioned Easter tabs.  I don’t know if I should be proud of this . . . but the popularity of the duck blogs have launched our site to #7 in Google’s search for “Easter Portraits.”  That’s #7 . . . in the entire Google universe.  [thank you, kind readers--including the following in Texas.]

Be on the lookout for much more information.  If you haven’t yet, go to the top of this page and subscribe to the blog.  That means you’ll always be notified when I post something new [which will be quite often in the next few weeks].  I’ll look forward to seeing you soon.

-mr. bill

destin memories

Summertime means beach time for my family, and has for over 20 years. The memories we have from the time our daughters were toddlers through the time they were teenagers and couldn’t go with us unless a friend went with us, to the memories we are making now as we go with them, their husbands and their children are priceless. The kids always love just sleeping late, building sandcastles, flying kites and playing ball on the beach. One of their favorite memories is a pirate ship cruise we took a few years ago where they got to dress like pirates, shoot at passing ships ( with water guns), and help pull up sunken treasure that they got to take home. The men always love the time spent at their favorite local restaurants, experiencing a new seafood dish each time. And, of course, us girls always enjoy our time spent at the outlet malls. It is truly a time of family togetherness away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. And, even as we return to our daily routines, we can relive those moments through our beach portraits displayed throughout our home.

our family

Destin-blue waters, breathtaking beaches, beautiful memories and Beyond Photography.

–Shiela

Beyond Photography has finished our first Easter event of 2009–the sessions in Bryant are over.  We had a great time shooting portraits of dozens of kids!  Stay tuned, and I’ll soon have some photos to show you of the work.  The kids had a great time, I enjoyed myself immensely, Sheree loved visiting with oodles of kids and parents . . . and the ducks enjoyed the attention.  For awhile.

Knowing that I’d be shooting fast and furious on Saturday, I hired Meghan to “wrangle the ducks.”  In the morning, she spent her time herding the ducks into place.  By the late afternoon, I encouraged her to prod the ducks a little, get them stirred up.  Those ducks were worn out!

If you missed the Bryant sessions, it’s not too late!  While our schedule is limited, we do still have some availability for our Chenal sessions [March 20 & 21] , as well as our sessions in North Little Rock [April 3 & 4] and Hot Springs [April 11].  Call or email to set up an appointment.  We’ve also just added another event at Timothy Olaimey’s home on April 18-19 for our overflow of sessions.  This event will be for full sessions only.

*********

Now let me totally shift gears.

I’d really, really like to be your friend. Honestly.  Have we met on Facebook?  If you have a Facebook account, please request me as a friend:  Bill E. Ramsey.  While you’re searching, just to boost my self-esteem, become a fan of Beyond Photography.  Sheree has been working like a maniac lately, uploading and tagging photos from some sessions.  If you’d like to see some of the work we’ve created for your friends [including some of the Easter photos from this year!], you can find it on our page.  If you can’t bear the thought of being a “friend” of Bill Ramsey [i don't blame you], become a friend of Sheree Ramsey.  She’s the brains and looks of our business anyway.  I just carry stuff around, and balance shoes on my head.

Easter Portraits are fast approaching for Beyond Photography.  If you haven’t seen the dates, places, or package information, click here.  Since this is one of the biggest events of our year, it’s vital that I only work with the finest animals possible.  We tried photos with all sorts of animals:  the Red Snapper [difficult to keep alive out of water], a Snapping Turtle [that is one belligerent turtle!], camels [they really do spit a lot], and crickets [easy to find, easy to pose, but just not that cute].  Finally we settled on baby ducklings.   They’re good-natured, soft, uber-cute, and easy to handle [although they do poop frequently].  Not content with just any duckling, we’ve been interviewing flocks of ducks.  How tough am I?  Think Donald Trump/the Apprentice . . . with less hair, and more attitude.  I won’t tolerate slackers.

During my last duck interview, I met a fowl who called himself “Dee-Uck.”  Again–I’m not one to judge on outside appearances, but remember that I AM looking for photo models.  In the case of Dee-Uck, his tattoos did hurt his chances of getting the job.  We interviewed, and while he was a little rough around the edges, he seemed okay.  But then I contacted his references.  Yikes.  It turns out that Dee-Uck has a rather colorful past.

Here’s a shot of Dee-Uck in his last residence:

Alcatraz duck

It seems that this cute little guy ran into some sort of trouble with the Law . . . something about a pack of guineas, a knife, and a Judge looking to make an example of someone.  Too bad.  What would lead a simple little duck into such a rough life?  You probably guessed it–his friends and the music they listened to.  Let this be a lesson to teens everywhere!  Choose your friends and your music wisely.  Dee-Uck fell into a rough crowd, and actually had a short foray into the music biz.  Here’s an album cover that you’ve probably already seen:

Gangsta Duck

If you’re regularly reading the blog, you know that only 1 duck has been approved thus far.  Good news!!  In the next blog, you’ll see some of the other super-ducks that have made the cut.

Our ad in Kid’s Directory just hit the shelves, so our phone has gotten hot!  If you’ve been thinking about scheduling, call or email immediately.  We’ve already booked over 25 sessions, and we’re just now getting busy on the phone.  We’ll do all we can to accomodate everyone who calls, but the optimal times book up fast.  We hope to hear from you soon!  501-519-7524.  beyondphotography1@gmail.com.

Word leaked out in the fowl community about the rousing success of last year’s Easter Portraits.  Since then, I’ve seen flocks of resumes.  One of the applicants actually sounded too good to be true!  [Even ducks aren't beyond lying on a resume.  Sad, isn't it?]  Despite my scepticism, I called for an interview . . . and I’m sure glad I did!

Sven dashed into my office, talking on his cell, sipping his venti non-fat, skinny latte.

“This isn’t your average duck,” I thought.

You may not have considered it, but I’m really in a tricky position when I’m shooting Easter photos.  As the Photographer, I’m thinking about the lighting/shadows, posing, variety, and still entertaining the kids in front of me.  Just like some kids don’t love being in front of the camera, animals feel the same way!  That’s why I need only the finest of ducks–I simply don’t have the luxury of waiting on a reticent bird.  How would Sven perform for the camera?

Wisely, Sven brought a portfolio of his previous work.  Could Sven handle the intense pressure of being named “Beyond Photography Duck?” You can judge for yourself.  Here’s a photo of Sven on the runway in Milan:

Sven in Milan

I have to admit:  I was impressed.  But still–was this the kind of duck that could work well with others?  I couldn’t risk a power struggle with a duck, during a session.  So Sven produced a few more photos.  These were snapped backstage during the recent Victoria’s Secret show.

Sven and Friend

He seemed to get along well with his co-workers.  Some of the girls liked him so much, they kept snapping photos.

Sven Again

At this point in the interview, I was sold.  Before I could hire Sven, though, he resoundingly sealed the deal.  I don’t know how I missed it in my dozens of viewings, but Sven actually appeared in one of my favorite movies!  Here he is, talking to a couple of no-name actors with whom he worked:

Amazing, isn’t it!  If you’d like to see more of Sven, call or email to schedule your appointment.  Remember that we’re shooting in Bryant, North Little Rock, and Chenal.  For more information about dates and package information, click here. You’ll also be able to preview the background for this year’s Easter scene.  I’ll leave you with one more photo from Sven’s portfolio.  Attached is the original movie poster, before ego-wars ensued.  Apparently, the dark-haired guy thinks he’s something in the movie world.  After he saw the original [more brilliant, if you ask me] movie poster, he demanded a reshoot.  His ego just couldn’t handle sharing the spotlight.  Ridiculous.

]]> http://blog.beyond-photography.com/easter-duck-auditions/feed/ 0 http://blog.beyond-photography.com/too-much-easter-duck-two/ http://blog.beyond-photography.com/too-much-easter-duck-two/#comments Fri, 20 Feb 2009 06:05:08 +0000 Mr. Bill http://blog.beyond-photography.com/?p=347 Not just any duck enters the elite cadre of Beyond Photography Easter Ducks.

If you follow my blog [God bless you!], you last read about the duck that went awry.   [If you haven't read it, skip down and first read the entry right below this one.]   Normally, we have to gently break the news to a certain duck that he/she isn’t up to our standards.  Last time, though, the Fowl walked out on us!  If you missed it–he walked out with big steps!

OBX

He terrorized our great land from Arkansas to the Outer Banks, and we last saw him swimming east.  Soon thereafter we’d learn that he actually went to the Far East.  Perfect! He swam right into my plan to stop him.  Foolish bird.

My mind reeled as I stood on the sands of the Atlantic Ocean, watching our creature escape to foreign lands.  How could I stop him?!  Deep inside, I knew the truth . . . there was no way I could stop him. I’m just one man.  Fortunately, though, I was just one man with a cell phone.  Scrolling through the phone log, I spotted the name between “Get Help Now!” and “Grannie, Get Your Gun!”  Whose name, you ask?  Maybe you’ve heard of him . . . he has extensive experience fighting abnormally large, destructive creatures:

don't mess with the zilla-god

Obviously, I wasn’t present to watch the great Duck versus Lizard battle.  I would love to show you photos from Godzilla’s smackdown, but most governments of the world have denied the existence of our Supra-Duck.  This “information embargo” actually makes it perilous for me to speak of these affairs.  Let me conclude with the tidbits I DO know.

2 facts assure me that the Great Lizard valiantly subdued the duck:

1.  Have you seen reports of a monstrous, heartless duck terrorizing our world?  “But,” you argue, “I haven’t seen reports of Godzilla, either!” That’s a no-brainer:  Godzilla always keeps a low profile, and he lives in the ocean.  duh.

2.  I have seen one critical piece of evidence, forever recording the great showdown.  See for yourself:

unequivocal proof

Debate solved, disaster averted.  Bless you, Godzilla.

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Now you know the story of the first duck that failed the Beyond Photography Portrait Eligibility Test.  Stay tuned for more stories.  If you subscribe to the blog, you’ll be notified of the next post.

Now that you know the great care we take with our ducks, I hope that you’ll trust us to take great care of your kids!  Call or email Beyond Photography to schedule your appointment.  501-519-7524.  Find dates and pricing information on our website or on the blog.

IN BRYANT–March 11-14.  We’ll be shooting in the conference room of the Comfort Inn at the Bryant exit [exit #123, right behind the Waffle House].  *Note:  this is not the Hampton Inn, for those who came for Christmas photos.

IN NORTH LITTLE ROCK–April 3-4.  We’re proud to be back with our friends at Lads and Ladybugs Children’s Boutique.  Their store is at the top of JFK, next door to Fairytale Floral.  www.ladsandladybugs.com

IN CHENAL VALLEY–March 19-21.  Our Chenal sessions will be more involved than our standard Quick Pics.  For more information, click here.

In Hot Springs–April 11.  We’re very excited to also be back with Pat and Pam at Jack N Jill Children’s Shop.  Their store is on Central Avenue, past the racetrack.  www.jacknjillchildrensboutique.com

Yes, we’ll have uber-cute animals for our Easter photos, but know that  I’ll be creating images with and without the animals.  Here’s a preview of this year’s Easter scene:

If you’d like to see more images, or package information, click here.

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If you hadn’t guessed by the photos and the blog titles, we’re shooting Easter photos with baby ducklings.  I’ll admit, the ducks in the photo above are powerfully cute!  In our vast experience of duck handling, though, we’ve certainly learned that not any ol’ duck is qualified for portraits! Let me take you behind the scenes at Beyond Photography.

We test and train and quiz and discipline our ducks for the absolute finest performance.  Regrettably, our greatest efforts cannot overcome a fowl that is simply a genetic freak.   Do you notice anything odd about the duckling on the right?  I’m sure you don’t.  We didn’t notice either . . . until it was too late! [insert ominous music here]

Yes, Mildred, you CAN have too much of a good thing.  Ducklings are cute when they’re little, and kids think they’re adorable.  The duck on the right, though, grew at an enormous rate.  Only ONE DAY after shooting this image, I snapped another photo of the creature as it strolled past the Arkansas State Capitol:

Capitol Duck

Lest you still think this is cute for a portrait with your child, let me give you another, closer view.  Mothers, please do not let your children see the following photo, bravely captured by a C-130 pilot:

a force to be reckoned with

The cold, steely look of terror in his eye . . . it chills me.  How could any creature have such disdain for all that is good and holy?

Feeling somewhat responsible for unleashing Pandora’s Pet upon our world, I followed the duck as he trekked across our nation.  We went east, east, east, until we couldn’t go any farther on land.  With kids in tow, Sheree and I last spotted the creature near Cape Hatteras lighthouse, Outer Banks, NC.  Never one to miss an opportunity, I asked a lone fisherman to snap a family photo.

OBX

Undaunted, the duck scurried into the Atlantic [after all--he's a duck; they tend to like water].  Where was he going?  How could we stop him?  What awesome force of nature could contend with a duck this size, this fearsome?!  In a beautiful moment of serendipitous epiphany, I knew.  I would contact him . . . .  Without hesitation, I called–

. . .  to be continued . . .